They're Not Giving You a Hard Time, They're Having a Hard Time.

Let’s be honest.

Sometimes, kids will test every ounce of your patience, your professionalism, and your deep breathing skills. One minute they’re hugging you with sticky hands and glittery cheeks. The next? They’re melting down over the color of a cup, the volume of a sibling, or a “no” that triggered their inner WWE fighter.

But here’s something I’ve learned through my work (and let’s be real—through life):
Kids aren’t little adults. They’re little humans with big feelings and unfinished brains.

They’re not manipulating you.
They’re not out to ruin your day.
They’re not trying to “be bad.”
They’re often just overwhelmed, under-resourced, and doing the best they can with what they know.

A few things I remind myself (and others) when the kids are cutting up:

🧠 Behavior is communication.
If a child is yelling, hiding, hitting, or refusing—it’s not just “acting out.” It’s them saying, “I don’t have the skills to cope right now.” So instead of asking what’s wrong with you?… try what’s happening to you?

🫶🏾 Connection over correction.
Before the consequence, before the lecture—build the bridge. Sometimes a hug, a calm tone, or simply being present is more effective than any time-out.

🗣️ Language matters.
Saying “Calm down!” to a dysregulated child is like yelling “Swim!” to someone drowning. Instead, try:

“Your body looks upset. Let’s take a breath together.”
“You’re safe. I’m here to help you.”
“Let’s figure this out together.”

(If you need more of those swaps, Try This Instead is literally built for this moment.)

And if you’re the adult who’s tired?

It’s okay to tap out, take a break, and try again.
You can be soft and firm. You can set boundaries with love. You can advocate for kids and protect your peace.

You don’t have to be perfect. Just present.

We’re raising a generation that knows how to name their feelings, ask for help, and move through the world with empathy. But they can’t do that if we keep repeating what broke us.

Let’s do it differently. On purpose.

With grace. With strategy. With love.

You in?

With heart,
Jasmine Starr
👩🏾‍🏫 Culturally Rooted. Soft-Spoken (Except When I’m Not). Here for the Kids and the Caregivers.